Hello everyone! No, I have not disappeared from the web, I'm still here- but I have some explaining to do. The reason I have been so absent from YouTube and Instagram is because I have been in the hospital since the day before Thanksgiving. The reason for this? I am sick. With an eating disorder. I spent a week in the hospital until I was physically stable, then I was moved to an eating disorders clinic where I stayed inpatient for three weeks. Just before Christmas, I was moved to the partial program at the clinic, which means I spend the day there and go home at night. Thankfully, I was able to be home for part of the day on Christmas, but it has still been very hard. I don't know how long I will have to be at the clinic, but it will most likely be a few weeks before I am back in school.
Recovering from an eating disorder is a very difficult and complex process, physically and emotionally. I'm not going to go too far into detail, but an innocent attempt to eat healthier a couple of years ago slowly progressed into an obsession with food, which led to malnutrition and ended up with me in the hospital with a very low heart rate. I am okay now, but I am still working on the mental part. I'm thinking of making a video about EDs, once I am out of the clinic- to raise awareness and hopefully reach anyone that might be needing help. Eating disorders are very serious and I want to make sure none of you ever have to go through what I'm going through!
My obsession with food took so much away from me. I couldn't focus on anything and lost interest in things I used to love, including playing guitar, reading, dolls and making videos. However, now that I am recovering, I have regained my love for all these things. I recently visited the AG store for the first time in months, and I was surprised at how happy it made me to be there! I thought I was losing interest in dolls, but it all came back to me and I realized how much I missed my dolls. I also saw Maryellen in person for the first time.... oh no. I'm in love! I think I might have to get her once I leave the clinic.... I have been taking some dolls with me to the clinic, which cheers me up. I can't wait to get back into filming!
Anyway, today is the last day of 2015! So much has happened for me this year. I discovered so much about myself and I feel my personality has really developed over this year. A few highlights:
-discovering a new taste in music and a love for bands like Yes, Rush, and Led Zeppelin
-traveling to the Grand Canyon and Sedona, Arizona on spring break
-traveling to Norway
-traveling to Colorado
-seeing Rush in concert in May
-seeing a lot of other cool concerts this year
-meeting Jon Anderson, the former lead singer of Yes and my biggest idol
-improving my skills on guitar
-starting high school
Overall, this year has been bittersweet. A lot of wonderful things happened and I feel I am a different person from last year. There were also a few negative sides to this year, including my eating disorder and a lot of teenage emotional weirdness (*laughs*). Tomorrow is a chance to start fresh, to be renewed. In 2016, I plan on leaving my ED behind and moving forward and striving towards my hopes and dreams.
Thank you all for your endless support and love during these tough times. I love you all, and I hope everyone has had a good year. What are some of your New Year's Resolutions?
With love,
FiveDollStars
